Sunday, October 18, 2009

The rain is light but consistent. I sit here, in the quiet of my rental apartment, examining my finances, paying bills and wondering when and how I will be able to plant my feet and feel like I've finally landed home.

The sound of the rain hitting the air conditioner soothes me. I am still in my PJ's feeling quite lazy and introspective. My coffee is not quite as hot as I like it and I debate whether I should get off the couch and heat another cup. I like this quiet. I like sitting with my aloneness and letting myself feel what ever it is that I feel. Things could get messy in the coming months, what with Jon applying for colleges, my added payment of a new car, the mortgage on a house, my rent for the apartment and all the other incidentals, I should probably feel something of a bit of panic. Yet, I don't, I don't feel scared. Maybe I should be. Maybe I am delusional and have this Pollyannaish attitude that will not serve me well. Maybe my faith in God is helping me. I don't know really. I just know that I wake each day hopeful.

I think I will just have that second cup of coffee and I will sit, close my eyes and let the sound of rain fill me and for today I will believe that it will all be OK.