Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I was nervous about calling but I needed to ask him something. There are certain things that I've grown accustomed to, in which he is the one that I rely on. Some of those things are questions about technical things. His sister answers the phone, it is awkward for things had gotten ugly at times and now I just wanted to tell her how very much I liked her and admired her.
He picks up the line and its like a light of warmth comes through the line. I ask how he is and he says he is happy. The tears well up for I can sense it and feel it. Its like the heaviness is gone and is replaced by the lightness of a soul. I don't cry because I am sad, which I am in many ways but more, because I am happy. Happy for this child man that I love.
His lightness persists in his words and I can't really explain it but its as if I can feel the warmth of it penetrating my being. I almost wanted to reach out and touch his face and say "see I knew you would be because your journey was not to end with me". He tells me he misses me sometimes and my heart aches because I feel as if my child has left his nest and I can't watch over him anymore and I can't help but let the tears run their course. I want to hug him and tell him that I am not far from reach if he should ever need me. I know that we cannot be together for that is really not the purpose of us.
As we finish our simple conversation, I have a lump in my throat and I can barely get that very small word out "goodbye". He is my Allen forever.