Monday, May 14, 2007

"A Moment of discontent"

I lay in bed listening to sweet music as the birds realize that the feeder has once again been filled. It is Sunday, Mother's Day at 6:45 am, and I am relishing the thought of lingering under my sheets, planting some flowers and even perhaps stealing a kiss from son. I always tell Jon that he should not worry about gifts and that a card would be lovely. My favorite being the homemade kind that carry a syrupy message and an awkward picture. I have to admit I am a card/letter junky. I have an addiction since he was little for little messages that say "I think of you". Allen does not quite understand my "thing" with cards or why they can make or break a day.

I am not sure which events made me a little weary of the day ahead, the pains in my back that kept me up most of the night, Jonathan breaking his pinky and needing a cast the day we were suppose to leave and meet Allen in PA (he's been there a week now trying to sort things out) or just this overall feeling that things were strained with Allen.

So here I am laying in bed trying to just concentrate on the world outside my window when from the other room I hear a bellowing, "MA!!", "There is banging and like glass brea
king coming from the closet", I roll my eyes knowing exactly what it is. I turn to Allen, "oh no not today," apparently squirrels have no regard for Mothers Day. Jon comes running to our room looking wide eyed and flipped out. "What the heck is that, you need to go check". Allen rolls over and says, "wow I am really surprised that he came today, its been a while".

A couple of days ago after investigating our squirrel problem and figuring out the best way to deal with the problem, Allen set up a rat trap. I was OK with this only I didn't want to be there when it happened. You see the squirrel lives in our attic and comes into the house when we've vacated through a hole in the closet in Jon's bedroom. I never thought it would really enter the inner part of our home, especially while we are there. For the most part the squirrel has not damaged anything (that we can see) it just kind of comes in and leaves it nuts about the house.

"Please go check," I ask Allen dreading the reality of it. Allen goes to check and says, "yep, its the squirrel, I am surprised that he's not dead," we'll give it a few minutes". I tell Jon to go to the other room and try to go back to sleep. He shakes his head and walks to the other room, coming back a few minutes later to tell us that he can still hear it thrashing about. I turn to Allen, "you have to do something", I start to cry, "I can't stand knowing that its alive and suffering". Allen gets up and goes to take care of it. I hear him go about and when he comes back, I don't ask. I don't want to know.

And so this is how I start my morning on Mother's Day. I realize that my son has fo
rgotten and I try to pretend its OK. I go about making coffee and hoping that he will soon remember and present me with my precious card. After a couple of hours I realize that its not going to happen and I want to cry. I don't want to display this at home so I tell them that I am going for a drive and from the computer and the TV I hear a united "see you later". I am devastated for I think that I ask for little from my son and husband alike. To not be acknowledged on Mother's Day made me feel forgotten and unappreciated. I drive about, then end up at Walmart (where else do forlorn mothers go?) where I waltz the isles aimlessly looking for purpose.

When I get home, I find a very embarrassed boy, who approaches me with a hug and a kiss and says sadly, "Happy Mothers Day Mom". My niece Veronica had called while I was out to wish me a Happy Mothers Day.....awakening my son to his small blunder. I love Jon more than anything, and I don't like to guilt him but that day I could not hide my disappointment. I miss the days of sloppy wet kisses, macaroni picture frames, painted portraits of me looking like a stick figure with funny hair. I called my mom for the third time that day in case she felt a little like I did, and also, selfishly, to feel the way one does when one speaks to the person who loves them the most in the world.


Lisa said...


What a day you had. Here you were, looking for peace, quiet and a happy time in PA! And you got dying squirrels. Not fun.

I don't really know if Dylan would've remembered to get me a card if Kayla hadn't been reminded by her father to buy them in the first place! She bought one for the two of them to give me.

I do know that Jon loves you very, very much. I know that you know that, too. That daggone "Y" chromosome gets in the way all the time!

Love you...and Happy Mother's Day again...

Mark said...

Our expectations of the other people in our life leads to our own discontent. You know in your heart that you are loved and appreciated, even when your son or husband forget a day like Mother's day.
You are love and blessed!
Sorry to hear about the squirrel. I had a similar problem with one not too long ago.
Peace and love!

Matty said...

20 years ago I cancelled Mother's Day for myself. I told mysons on that day I don't want gifts or cards. That's the day I go and spend time with my mother. But as for me, the day before or after Itake my sons out for a meal. I wouldn't be a mother if it wasn't for that day I thank them for all the memories they have given me...and we laugh over the funny, crazy times.
The reason I cancelled the 'traditional Mother's Day' is because for years I found it over-whelming, I would cook for a crowd, sisters and brothers would come from everywhere to honor my mother. I would cook and clean from morning to night, never having a chance to sit and take a break. When the family left, I was surrounded with dirty dishes and leftover food. Yes, a great Mother's Day. I promised myself, that when my Mother would enter Long-term care, that tradition would come to an end.
I also don't like all the expectations that we put on people to run around and get the perfect card, perfect gift...and show up 'or else' I did away with it all.
My tradition is so much easier on everyone. Finally I get to sit down and enjoy a meal (which I didn't make) with the one's I love. No dishes, time well-spent with my sons..and no hurt feelings.
Boys love their mothers so much, but Jon is in his teen years - his love for you is much more important than a piece of paper. Know that you are loved!

simply me said...

Thank you Matty - its so true - maybe I should reconsider remodeling the day so that it works for all of us. Not a bad well and thanks.

Betty said...

Dear Maria,

This post made me really appreciate the Mother's Day I had this year. My little boy had made several gifts for me: He had embroidered 2 little scenes on pieces of black cloth (he taught himself to embroider!), a necklace with a piece of gravel for the gem, and a very unusual circular card that, after the recipient turned the wheel said, "I love you". My post that day was sad, but the actual day turned out to be unforgettable thanks to my son.

Maybe I'll do another Mother's Day post.....


simply me said...

Betty - he is just so precious enjoy every moment of it. I am learning to treasure all moments in between. Life is precious and a gift.

Big Dave T said...

Sounds like you're a sentimental sop like me. I still have father's day art projects my kids produced for me close to 15 years ago.

And I don't like to see any animal suffer either. In fact, I even felt bad throwing out some old houseplants this past week. That's probably a bit extreme though.

Big Dave T said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Boatwoman said...

Hi. Just popping by to say Hello, and thank you for visiting my diary. I ave enjoyed reading yours and will definatly be coming back..

Jo xx

simply me said...

Dave I just want to say that just by your picture I can tell that you are a sentimental sop like me - and I personally think its wonderful.