Besieged....but why??
I awoke this morning, to find myself in an utter state of overwhelmingness. Feeling as though I've gotten on the wrong train. I am not sure if it is the upcoming 45th year of my life, in which I am questioning direction, purpose and answers for myself. Or if its just my hormones gone wild. Often I am optimistic and balanced, this morning I am neither. It is not that I am not grateful for each moment that I have. Every day I typically wake up filled with joy at the possibilities for"potential" - potential for moments that take my breath away, potential of seeing a friend, potential of doing something good and meaningful. Today it was as if someone unplugged me, leaving me in a state, to which I can only wrinkle my nose as if smelling something foul.
I believe in my heart that this is not all bad.....for I am being forced to sit with myself and examine my inner happenings. Though, in a state duress, I know that anytime I have felt this way in the past, its because I have veered, veered from meditation, praying, and my own self. It has happened before, I get too comfortable and I stop doing the work, my daily work of the self. Because of this state, I am frazzled and now it appears that my neighbor has gotten a new toy, a motorcycle, which he has, to his delight and to the fraying of my nerves been reving up for almost 45 minutes now. Such noises to me seem a disrespect to humanity and the environment. They are not peaceful making sounds in any way.
"Oh God, thank you, he just stopped playing with his toy. Please don't let him find some other noise maker that will break the soft sounds of the birds playfulness." Yesterday he was trying to fix some screeching device like a saw for what seemed like hours until I believe one of the other neighbors complained. I am telling you it could have woken the dead.
I will be redirecting myself into some place of awareness today. Taking the time to meditate and bring balance back to myself and in doing so, bringing balance around me. When I look about me, I see the specialness of the world around me and it deeply saddens me to see the damage done. I often feel that there is something that I am suppose to be doing. I hope that in trying to find my own center and balance that I can promote it outward so that it can touch and renew, for I love life and the gift of living.
Off I go to count my blessings and then once again quiet my mind......
I believe in my heart that this is not all bad.....for I am being forced to sit with myself and examine my inner happenings. Though, in a state duress, I know that anytime I have felt this way in the past, its because I have veered, veered from meditation, praying, and my own self. It has happened before, I get too comfortable and I stop doing the work, my daily work of the self. Because of this state, I am frazzled and now it appears that my neighbor has gotten a new toy, a motorcycle, which he has, to his delight and to the fraying of my nerves been reving up for almost 45 minutes now. Such noises to me seem a disrespect to humanity and the environment. They are not peaceful making sounds in any way.
"Oh God, thank you, he just stopped playing with his toy. Please don't let him find some other noise maker that will break the soft sounds of the birds playfulness." Yesterday he was trying to fix some screeching device like a saw for what seemed like hours until I believe one of the other neighbors complained. I am telling you it could have woken the dead.
I will be redirecting myself into some place of awareness today. Taking the time to meditate and bring balance back to myself and in doing so, bringing balance around me. When I look about me, I see the specialness of the world around me and it deeply saddens me to see the damage done. I often feel that there is something that I am suppose to be doing. I hope that in trying to find my own center and balance that I can promote it outward so that it can touch and renew, for I love life and the gift of living.
Off I go to count my blessings and then once again quiet my mind......
10 comments:
sending happy Monday wishes..
You have the key and that is awareness! You will soon be out of your funk!
Sympathy here. It's like my neighbors have to prove they're working to better their home and neighborhood by using the loudest power gadet they have. In my opinion, leaf blowers are a total waste of energy when a broom works just as well. Power saws? Chain saws? I have a hand saw and it works just fine. It even qualifies as cardiovascular exercise in my book.
Simplify, simplify, simplify. You heard it here first.
Same here, if I don't make the time for meditation...my world falls apart. Once I am centered, I'm okay, I can deal with anything.
Have a great week.
Hey all - thanks for visiting. It was a rough morning. I actually went out to my porch and yelled at the top of my lungs "hey cut it out" -- but he didn't here me and I guess thats best or the neighbor will think I am just crazy.
Dave - I passionately hate leaf blowers, for God's sake what ever happened to good old fashion labor?
BTW - I went into the sanction of my bedroom, locked the door and sat with myself for an hour. A gift to myself.
Matty - You are right, I need to remember how crummy I felt so that I am more diligent with my meditation. thank you....
Hope you feel more centred soon.
Mark is right - knowing what is wrong is half the solution.
Dear Maria,
I like what you said about having your daily work of the self. Of course that's exactly what I need. I need to quiet the mind.
I just posted about having a couple friends over for dinner last night, and how I completely lost, or willingly gave away, my self during the course of the evening. You have just told me how to get it back.
Thank you.
Hugs,
Betty
Doesn't your neighbor know he lives in the country and it's supposed to be peaceful and quiet?! Maybe he can go join those quad people down at their end of the street. What is wrong with everyone? They take their surrounding beauty for granted, and it's so sad.
Li - I hate to say this but it was my neighbor here on Long Island. PA neighbors are fine. It happened when I came home last week. But the motor heads in PA are still going strong.
Honestly, the noise is just so physically invasive, I can hardly stand it sometimes.
love ya.
Simply Me,
Sorry it is a rough one. May peace come in and the sound of silence fill you with its ease and calm...
Sometimes when we examine things it is painful until the epiphany comes in - in bits and pieces, when it is ready - or we are...
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