Being in the here and now.....

A dear friend and I spoke today about last nights lovely dinner, where we met up with two other friends, in Long Beach, New York. It was a stunning evening with a beautiful sunset (pictured above). After dinner we walked to the boardwalk and shared some reflective time together. My friend is befuddled by my consistent ability to stay centered on the here and now and not be easily seduced by thoughts of the past or a future that is unpredictable. It has not always been this way for me, for I was a compulsive thinker and pervasively distracted by thoughts that only caused me high anxiety. It is not a journey that is easily explained, the only way to speak of it, is to say that it has been a long and trying journey, one that was often conflicting and painful but also a self-reflective and eye opening one. When the mind is constantly talking, you are an active participant and that can be very exhausting. I have chosen to be an observer. My mind is no longer in control.

I told my friend that it has taken me a long time to surrender to that which I cannot control (which is most things). I live each day within that day, trying not to let my mind talk me into entering fear based projections. It is not an easy task and takes a lot of practice to redirect ones self into the present, but it does get easier. I do have future goals but they are on shelf until they need to be dealt with. I look at each day with a joyful embracing outlook because "it is what it is" and that is perfectly fine. I don't feel the need to control what is untangeable in any way. My husband lives in Pennsylvania, I am on Long Island where I need to be at this time. I see this as a time where it just has to be this way.

I know that there are things that must be done at this time and that is where I am at. To be in a constant state of wanting only leads to more wanting and wishing. Learning to surrender, and not needing to control the unforseeable allows for greater and deeper peace. It is this that I keep as my daily focus. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not......but "it is what it is".

Looking out the window, the sky seemed so vast and beautiful. There are times when the beauty is so grand that I lose myself in all its splendor. I was home, in Pennsylvania, for the weekend and the sky which had been threatening all day to shout out loud, finally got its way. The view from my upstairs window which faces the mountains was brilliant in color. To my delight I was privy to the show in the sky.

The sky lighting up all around me, casting light where there were shadows. Colors of blue, purple, lavender and red brightened the dark country night. In my underwear and t-shirt I ran outside to watch this spectacular show of lights. Feeling so close to the earth, nature and God and grateful that I, so small in this world was lucky enough to be showered with such a sight. No rain in sight, just a dance of lights in the pitch dark sky. How lucky am I. With my husband standing, holding me close, we watched in silence and gratitude for such a sight.

It is so easy to forget to stop, look and listen when things are so busy all the time. But at this moment, I was captivated in total delight. Standing with a great big smile, I felt like a child watching life happen for the very first time.

What a woman needs.........is another woman

Several months ago upon speaking with my dear friend Mary Ann, I realized with great satisfaction, how much I enjoy her company and wisdom. Women just provide something for each other that a man cannot provide. What is this?......I think to myself, well its loyalty, honesty and plain old fashion realism. I decide that a womens group would be ideal for myself and some close women friends, all of us in the 40 and up category. Tonight we meet at Mary Ann's house, (her husband just left for a bicycle tour for the weekend). The group consists of Myself, Mary Ann, Lisa (of the sweet 16), Lisa (of the "a comforter is not a bedspread), and Chris who is Mary Ann's neighbor (who's husband left her, claiming he wants to have fun - huh!). These women are spirited, kind, funny, smart, spiritual and strong.

We are all forty something and then some. Our meetings consists of wine, food, laughter, honesty, sharing and advise after good listening. Most of our meetings are supportive and constructive. We discuss life, our children, work, and very often the men in and out of our lives. It is not a vengeful discussion but one that faces our mistakes, the good times and how we can improve our lives. Each of us has a story to share, providing some honest wisdom to the others. It is a group where we can be ourselves and not be afraid of being rejected. We respect each other and look to each other for solace when we need. It is a place where we all feel safe and loved without conditions.

In one of our sessions I posed a question, "what advice would you give to a younger women"? Following are some of the things we believe in:

1. Educate yourself.

2. Have your own savings account even if married.

3. Love your body now for in 10 years it will change, drastically.

4. Be true to yourself.

5. Surrender to what you cannot control, it will be less painful.

6. Don't give up your dreams, ever...

7. Love, respect and honor yourself first.

8. Believe..........always

9. Always do your best...

10. Don't take anything personally, its usually other peoples stuff.

11. Say what you mean and stick with it.

12. Falling in love is a wonderful journey when you no longer need it to be complete.

I can probably go on with the list, but you get the gist of it. We all agree that marriage and relationships are wonderful, when there is mutual respect, honor, humor and kindness. We all understand that we are on a journey and we are explorers in a world of immense vastness and possibilities. So here is to our journey and being enlightened.......salute!!